You Can't Make This Stuff Up

M-C: Hi Doc, I know, I know, you're not happy with me, my weight went up a little instead of going down. Please don't give me grief, I've got packers coming tomorrow, my arm hurts and I'm tired!

Dr: When did your arm start to hurt?

M-C: Well I was hanging a really heavy grandmother clock on the wall about 8 weeks ago and I felt something weird in my arm and a terrible pain! But thankfully I didn't drop the clock and even managed to hang it after all. (feeling pretty proud of myself for that actually)

Dr: (looks at somewhat deformed arm, feels the bicep and gives a concerned look) You tore the lower bicep ligament in your arm. Here feel this. (makes me feel bulge bottom inside of upper arm).

M-C: Oh, I thought it was just a sprain that with all the packing and stuff just wasn't healing. I only started getting worried when I stopped packing for a couple of weeks when I was in Kentucky and it didn't get better. So how long before it heals?

Dr: (who is also a scrapbook friend) You need an MRI to see the extent of the tear and you need surgery. And you can't do anything much with your arm or you risk not being able to use it at all!

M-C: Surgery? Did you say SURGERY? I don't have time for surgery or an MRI, the packers are coming tomorrow the movers are coming in two days. I have all that final packing to do. I'm moving into a new house on June 16th! (I've got things to do, places to go, friends to see and to make, a hubby to get settled in, I don't have time for this, my mind screams!)

Dr: Anything else going on?

M-C: (thinking Hubby probably wants me to mention this, since it worried him) Well while I was in Kentucky something funny happened. I tried to get up and I got such a bad pain around my lower left pelvic area, like the crease of my leg and down my leg that Rick had to help me up and then I couldn't put any weight at all on my left foot. It was horrible and you know how high a pain threshold I have. But it went away in about 15 minutes and then I had 3 or 4 really mild episodes this past week but they went away in a couple of minutes.

Dr: Get on the table. Hmmm... You need a CT scan.

M-C: WHAT??? An MRI and a CT scan, I don't have time for this! What's wrong?

DR: Well you might have either a hernia or something wrong with your ovary. I'm going to go see what I can do. (Dr walks out)

M-C: (I sit there thinking this didn't just happen! I've got tons of things to do, I have things to pack this afternoon and dinner with Alicia tonight and the packers in the morning. I'm hallucinating! But I can hear the doctor in the other room having a heated discussion with someone.)

DR: Well the insurance company would not let me schedule both tests.

M-C: (this crazy conversation is not real, this crazy conversation is not real)

DR continues: So I had to pick one.

M-C: (she had to pick one... no this really isn't happening, I'm on General Hospital or being punked or something)

Dr: continues: I picked the CT of your pelvis because that is an undetermined injury. The arm you will simply have to be very careful with and go to an Orthopedist as soon as you get to Kentucky. But you need to schedule the CT right away.

M-C: Right away. (She doesn't get it, I don't have time, I have movers coming!) OK. Tell me about the arm, what happens.

DR: Surgery, than a cast for 4-6 weeks and 3-4 months of rehab. (more info on Distal Biceps Rupture) (Turns out that is the same injury that Christian de la Fuente had two seasons ago on Dancing with the Stars)

M-C: (I didn't hear you, I didn't hear you! This isn't happening) Oh...

Dr: (Hugs me good bye) I'm going to miss you.

M-C: I'm going to miss you too! (I leave and take the prescription with me, immediately call for CT.)

XYZ Radiology: Thanks for calling XYZ Radiology. Please listen carefully as our menu has recently changed!

M-C: (!$#$#$#$#$#)

XYZ: May I help you?

M-C: I need a blah, blah blah... CT scan for blah, blah, blah!

XYZ: Well we can get you an appointment tomorrow at 2:45 across town, but first you need to go to our other clinic on the other side of town, this afternoon and get this Barium Suspension.

M-C: (Can't be happening, this is nuts! I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS) Ok, I'm on my way. (I pick up the two bottles of stuff I have to start drinking at noon on Friday.)

M-C: (calls Alicia and gets voicemail) Hi Alicia, are you doing anything tonight after we have dinner?

OK to make a long very long story, slightly shorter, Alicia. bless her heart came over and packed for me, but the packers ended up doing a lot more than I had anticipated or wanted. Alicia even brought me flowers so I'd feel better and got up early on her day off, she's a nurse on the night shift, to help me Friday morning. Alicia you are a doll, I am so thankful that you are my friend and that you were willing to come and help me out!

Although XYZ Radiology called at 5 pm on Thursday to tell me they might not get approval from the insurance company in time, and the test might have to be postponed (I can't postpone it, ma'am I'm moving out of state in two days!!!) They did get the approval in time. I drank the discusting stuff which wasn't quite that bad cold out of the fridge, and made the appointment on time despite having to throw out the packers early. They were't finished packing mainly because they were 2 hours later than expected. BUT, in the end I did not get the full test as three people including the local female head Vampire and her Count Dracula male sidekick, could not find a vein despite a couple of very ouchy tries! So now, despite the part of the test they did do, I won't be sure that the test will rule out or find the problem!

But people, this is me speaking! With hubby and my friends and family cheering me on, I will make it through this and savor and document for my scrapbook, each special moment and try to make the rest bearable through wacky humor! Just one thought though. I need to stop moving. Somehow moving requires too much close contact with orthopedic surgeons!