In Memory of My Son's Dad

I've debated whether this was the right thing to do, the right place to share an event so difficult for my son and I. But I decided to listen to my heart, asked my son if it was OK with him, since this blog entry is also very personal to him. Since this is a blog about life etc, I can hardly avoid speaking about an event of this magnitude. A couple of days ago, after rejoicing that we had finally been able to get in touch with my ex-sister-in-law and my niece Malanie through Facebook, we found out that my son's dad had passed away. He didn't pass away a few days ago, in fact he passed away more than a year ago. You see he didn't stay in touch with us and after a few years, we stopped pushing to stay in touch with him. We did try to reconnect shortly after that with his sister, but our efforts failed, as did hers to get in touch with us. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, that doesn't mean that we stopped caring what happened to Shaun's dad or that we are not feeling bereaved by his passing at far too young an age.

Joseph Wayne Lewis Whalen was born in 1953 and never quite made it to his 55th birthday. He was always a bit of a rebel, which made his choice of joining the military rather unusual and his service not always smooth. I spent more than 20 years of my life loving him from up close. Then I spent over a year mourning our life together, followed by 13 years of loving him from afar. That love was not the same as the one I felt when we were married, and it was certainly tinged with regret. Regret for what we had at one time and what we could have had, but mostly a excruciating gut wrenching regret that he and my son did not have the relationship I always prayed they would have. If only the picture above had been a truism of their relationship, rather than a rare moment on a very rare occasion.

The life that Wayne chose to live, was not one that I could follow him in, nor one that was right for a 15 year old child to be exposed to. However, I wished Wayne well, hoped and prayed for his happiness and wondered if he had given my son a half brother or sister. Needless to say, it was a shock to find out that he had passed, and as a believer in the after life, I can only hope that he is now in a better place, free of pain and worry. I am sure that his family misses him. I just want them to know that we have missed him too, despite going on to have happy and productive lives in another country, surrounded by another family who was kind enough to take us in and love us both.

My son and I look forward to being in touch with the Whalens again. They were part of our lives for many years and we hope they will be part of our lives for many years to come.